a very flavorful roasted cabbage
....and equal energy exchange cooking in a post-cosmopolitan era
I’ve been cooking a lot at home lately.
Recently, I moved in with my man. It was very exciting and everything about it felt right. Weirdly, it didn’t feel as *big* of a step as many of my loved ones were telling me it was. I’ve lived with boyfriends before, and I’m very well versed to all of the annoyances of living with a man (sorry, y’all get a bad rep and you know why). And while it’s true there is always a level of sacrifice one must make when you live with someone, in this case, I felt like I had actually already let him in to see all of those weird parts of me so in turn I didn’t feel like a sacrifice.
Awhile ago, I decided to not hold back pieces of myself in order to catch and “keep” a man. While this may seem like “well, duh” to some people - if you’re being honest with yourself, it’s actually quite the unlearning process. Especially if you are a woman who grew up in the 90s / early 2000s reading Cosmopolitan (“10 Ways to Please Your Man!” “52 Tricks for the Best Blowjob Ever!” “34 Ways to Get Him to Notice You!)
I had decided that I wanted my future man to see all parts of me (and there are many!) : the good, the bad, the ugly, the wild, the manic, the bitchy, the hungry, the pms’y, and, most importantly, the binge-watching-90-Day Fiancé- with-a-quesadilla-on-my-belly part.
I told myself: I am not a la carte. I am the whole damn pre fixe menu. Meaning, I will only be in partnership with someone who doesn’t just like the bright shiny parts of me, but can also accept and love the darker and more complicated parts of me. That is full love. That is full acceptance. That’s what I wanted or else I was happy to binge watch 90 Day Fiancé alone. Period.
Then he came along. And to find this reflected back in me from this man is one of the most beautiful gifts I could have ever received. To feel like I can be my full self at all times.
And as you know, one of the many facets of me is that I love to cook.
However, in my last relationship, I took on that love as a job, like something I “owed” this guy in order to…I don’t know…. earn my keep? prove my worth? So, it was like at the end of the day, I clocked out of my other full-time job(s) and then clocked in to being “wifey.” It felt like an exploitation of my gifts, for very little in return. Needless to say, it sucked.
And I was NOT going to fucking make that mistake again.
So, when we decided to move in together, really the only thing I was nervous about was if I’d have to start “clocking in” for the wifey shift again. I worked so hard to reclaim cooking for myself over the past year, would living with a man take it away again?
Even in 2024, this is the kind of Norman Rockwell Hell that most modern, independent, creative, successful women STILL find themselves in. Can you freaking believe it?
So, I decided that I would talk to him and express these fears (I know, revolutionary idea, right?) Unsurprisingly given his character, he told me that he never wanted me to feel that way. That I never had to cook for us - it should be something I want to do. Full stop.
Honestly, me saying the words out loud, having them be heard, and then him validating his “pre fixe menu” love was all I needed. I took a deep breath and packed my boxes.
Because I realized that it really was my absolute pleasure to cook for us. After living alone so long, having company made me remember how much it truly inspires me to try new recipes or get creative with whatever we have in the pantry. How excited I get to see his reaction after his first bite. How good it makes me feel to hear him say thank you. And of course, getting compliments feels great :)
I also realized it’s an energy exchange. I cook because I love it, and he equally gives me that energy back in many ways. Whether it’s by his sincere gratitude, scrubbing the kitchen after a cooking sesh, or dj’ing for me while I cook (yes he literally does this!) It’s also in the many ways he shows up for me outside of the kitchen that I can’t even quantify.
The reframe is that I get to cook for him and he also gets to express his many other gifts to me. Neither of us “has” to do anything and it’s not tit-for-tat. It’s all an energy exchange. And guess what? …. we both win when our gifts are fully expressed with one another.
When your gifts are being shared in the right company, you will be getting that energy back. And that will fuel you to keep creating those gifts. What a beautiful reinforcement cycle.
So, I’ve been cooking at home A LOT and it’s not only been healing, nurturing, and creative….it’s been FUN!
Alas, the moment you’ve been waiting for….I’m going to finally share a recipe that I made recently.
When cooking at home for 2 or more, I like to use one protein, one veggie, and one starch/carb. I do this because it feels like the perfectly balanced meal that is both delicious and healthy. I’ll also say, that this is the most sustainable and affordable way to cook. I like to do one big shop at the beginning of the week - so this way I can choose from various options depending on my mood, rather than be beholden to one recipe I have shopped for. I also have undiagnosed food ADHD, so I like to be able to eat a little bit of this and little bit of that.
A few days ago, I had a bunch of leftover red cabbage. And here I saw the opportunity - what do to with this sad cabbage?
I decided to try roasting it - which apparently all the cool girls are doing on TikTok right now. This would be my “veggie” for the night.
Honestly when I think of cabbage, I think of boooooring. So I wanted to make sure it had a lot of flavor. I decided to rub it in a mixture of anchovy, lemon, garlic, Italian seasoning, feta cheese and olive oil (inspired by this recipe by Melissa Clark). After roasting on high heat, I topped with more feta and pepitas. And WOW was flavorful. When roasted, the cabbage gets a really nice sweet taste to it. And, hate on anchovies all you want, but they add an incredible umami flavor.
I served this with some pan seared salmon that was covered in za’atar and also some bulgar rice.
I hope you enjoy because tonight…..I’m going to binge on 90 Day Fiancé with a quesadilla on my belly…..and my man is on his way to join me ; )
A Very Flavorful Roasted Red Cabbage
Makes 3-4 servings
Ingredients
1 head of red cabbage
1/2 cup olive oil, and more as needed
Salt and pepper, to taste
1/2 cup feta cheese, crumbled (+ more to finish)
6 anchovy filets, finely chopped
3 garlic cloves, grated or minced
2 tsp Italian herb blend
1/2 cup roughly chopped pumpkin seeds (pepitas)
1/2 cup chopped dill or parsley
Let’s do it!
Heat the oven to 450F.
Cut the cabbage lengthwise through the core, then cut out the cores and the stem. slice the quarters lengthwise into 1 1/2 inch thick wedges. Place on a rimmed baking sheet pan. Season with salt and lightly drizzle with oil.
Meanwhile, combine the feta, anchovies, garlic, Italian seasoning, black pepper and olive oil. Massage on the cabbage and into the leaves if you can. Drizzle with a bit more oil.
Roast until the cabbage is soft and caramelizing, about 30 mins.
Remove the pan from the oven and top with more feta and the pepitas. Put back in the oven for 5 mins.
Top with herbs and a sprinkle of salt.
ALSOOOOOOO……..
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speaking of events, tickets to the launch of our monthly residency at Rosa NYC on 02/09 are LIVE and early bird first-tier tickets are available until Monday! get ‘em quick and save that cash, baby! we’ll be cooking with a famous spanish guest chef! there will be live djs! there will be wine / non-alc pairings! let’s dance and eat the night away.
Besossss babies,
Tessa