Postcards from Italy

on how I came to live with a Nonna in Sicily, lessons learned, and what's next!

Buongiornoooooo!

…is how I started my daily video diary “A Day in the Life of a Chef Living with a Nonna in Sicily.”

Let me catch you up.

About 6 months ago, I had plans to attend my friend Katie’s wedding in Sicily in July. She was engaged to a wonderful Sicilian-American man and the wedding was set to be in his family’s hometown of Castellammare del Golfo, Sicily.

Fresh off a life-changing breakup, I wondered ….was this my Eat Pray Love Moment….? What if I stayed in Sicily solo after the wedding? What if I found a restaurant to stage at or a grandma who needed help cooking? I didn’t know how it would look yet, but I couldn’t shake the bug to travel, to explore, to learn. I felt like it was my time.

I’m a self-taught chef all the way. I’ve never been to culinary school or worked the line in a restaurant. I learned how to cook from calling my mom, devouring cookbooks (s/o to Julia Child), and watching YouTube videos. I’ve always considered myself a humble culinary student, and my curiosity the only way I’d ever learn anything or advance my career. So, I also thought this would be a great opportunity to continue my education.

And who knows - maybe I’d *find myself* or whatever.

I told my friend Katie my idea. She said that I should meet her future mother-in-law, Paola who “basically ran Castellammare del Golfo.” So, in February, at Katie’s bridal shower. I went up to Paola, introduced myself, and told her my very unstructured plan to stay in Sicily after the wedding. Did she know a restaurant I could work in or a grandma who needed help? She looked me in the eyes and smiled and said “You move in with me. Every day we will go for a walk on the beach, go to the market, and cook for my husband, Camillo.”

Boom.

And here was my Eat Pray Love. This was my Nonna. Served to me on a platter (next to my 2nd pasta course during that Bridal Shower lunch). It all clicked. I said yes on the spot.

Flash forward to 6 months later - I moved in with Paola after the dreamiest wedding …….after only having met her 1 time.

I set an intention to be present and to keep an open mind. But that being said, I guesssssss I still had a a fantasy idea of what this would look like:

I will wake up fresh and rested to the sounds of the ocean and birds chirping. Then, Paola and I would go to the quaint street markets to pick up our groceries for the day. Then, I would have some solo down time to finally redesign my website or start writing a book. Then, I’d come back to to the kitchen and she would delicately tie my apron strings around me, tell me the menu for the day, and carefully tell me step-by-step how to make the dish. I’d prepare the mise en place while writing down each recipe in my Moleskin journal. And then we would eat our lovely quiet dinner while sipping on wine with her husband. I’d retire to bed early and have magical dreams.

And I quickly learned that this vision was a big LOL.

Let me start with saying that Paola is not your typical Nonna.

First of all - she is one of the busiest people I know. She owns several rental properties in Castellammare, which she is very active in managing. I mean she is literally washing and hang-drying sheets for every unit (“why would I buy a dryer when the sun will dry it!”), scrubbing stovetops, and yelling at airport personelle on the phone when they are being assholes. This is hospitality, and each day brought its own set of fires that needed tended to. And Paola’s hospitality was above and beyond. It was not uncommon for her to personally drive guests to the Marina so they could take a boat tour. Nor was it uncommon for her bring a guest a fresh frittata on a whim. She is very proud of her country and her properties and wants everyone to have the absolute best time while they are staying with her. So, as part of my “day in the life”, I also spent parts of the day helping her change sheets and hand-deliver little treats to the guests.

Second of all - Paola harvests and cooks all of her food. She tends a rather large garden behind her apartment and also has a family farm about 20 mins up in the hills in Campagna. She’s very proud of this land and when she isn’t using the produce for that day’s meal, she’s working to preserve it so it’s not wasted and can be used in the winter months. It didn’t matter that it was 105 degrees every day - it had to be done. So, as part of my “day in the life” each day was also spent helping harvest and preserve. It was sweaty and difficult work (and so incredibly gratifying).

Finally - she is the matriarch of a very big family. Which in this culture means making sure everyone is taken care of. And being taken care of here means being FED. So in-between all of her work, she always had hot coffee ready in the morning and a homemade lunch and dinner served to a variety of guests. I helped her as best as I could here -but I learned that this is *Paola’s kitchen* and she is quite used to preparing dinner for 15-30 people alone (amazing, right?) She doesn’t use a cutting board or a fancy knife (everything is cut straight in her hands into the pot). And there is certainly no menu or recipe. Each day she cooks a combination of what she’s in the mood for and what is fresh from the garden / the fishmonger. The dish will even change while she’s cooking depending on her mood or what ingredient she wants to use up. So, as part of my “day in the life",” I was much better spent pouring her glasses of cold white wine, observing her in her cooking element, and doing her dishes.

At 72 years old, she is brimming with energy like I’ve never seen. Usually laughing and smiling through it all (but don’t take her positivity the wrong way - I also learned *do NOT f*ck with this woman).

This was my kinda lady and…let me say it again… not your average Nonna.

So, back to move-in day.

Within 10 mins of dropping my bags off, Paola had to jet off to a rental property. I realized that to get the “living with a Nonna experience” I had to shed any and all expectations, and hop onto her rollercoaster. And every day was brimming with activities as I rode shotgun with Paola. I usually woke up with the sun at 7am and then crashed at 1am. We sweat profusely all day (it was a heatwave and ac is limited). So much for redesigning my website or starting my book.

And THANK GOD it looked completely different than my silly little fantasy.

I realized how even more unique this experience was than I thought. So different from my life in NYC. Each day was so special, and so full and fast, and yet, still so wholesome. I didn’t want to forget a moment of it.

So, I started to record “A Day in the Life of a Chef Living with a Nonna in Sicily” on TikTok (also reposted on Instagram) as a way to keep a video diary for myself.

On day 11, I woke up to my last video going viral. I was getting thousands of views, likes, comments, questions, and followers. I had to google “what counts as viral” because I was used to only a few hundred people even viewing my little videos. This one video is currently up to 640k views on TikTok. 🤯

More than the view count, I was amazed to see the engagement on these videos. Comments pouring in saying how much they loved watching this experience. How the simplicity and authenticity of each day was so appealing. How they reminded them of their family in Sicily. How Paola was their “spirit animal.” How it made them think of their Italian grandmother who passed and they wished they paid attention to her more. How this life is the life they always dreamed of.

In a world where most videos go viral because they are trendy (like a dance, song or a joke… which I also love, don’t get me wrong!) - I had written off my wholesome little documentaries as ever getting much attention whatsoever. But I guess they really touched people 🥲

So imagine how much the experience touched me.

I came in thinking that I would learn how to cook Sicilian food, and honestly it was so much more than that. I guess I got the Eat Pray Love I was looking for, after all :)

So here are my main lessons from my time living with a Nonna in Sicily:

1. Don’t hold on to anything too tightly: There were no real plans here, and if there were, they changed very quickly. When I let go of a pre-conceived schedule and just went with the flow - I was bound to have more fun and arguably a better experience than had I gone with the plan. Just like Paola’s cooking - there were no recipes and each dish was informed by what was in season and by asking “what do I really desire today?” And it always tasted better. I learned that it’s okay to ditch the recipe. Of course we need some structure to our lives, but ultimately, it’s okay to pivot. If you trust yourself and your desires, you really can ask yourself what ‘YOU’ want that day. And it will lead you to something beautiful (and delicious!)

2. When you work in your joy, it’s not work: I’m very grateful that I get to work in my “joys” right now via cooking. I’m also grateful I learned this from my parents who were always entrepreneurs. Being with Paola was another reminder. As busy as this woman is, she told me several times that it doesn’t feel like work to her because she loves it. This allows her to take those shitty moments that also come with hard work in stride, because at the end of the day, she is doing what she loves. She also knows how to separate her work from her other joys in life. While the morning could be spent hang-drying and ironing 30 sets of sheets, the afternoon could be spent at the beach with her family. Even cooking for 15-30 people each night was her choice and her joy. She said that cooking was how she relaxed and a way to bring her loved ones together.

3. The importance of family: Her family is very tight-knit. Family members were constantly in-and-out of her house and we were always constantly visiting others. From 6yr olds to 80yr olds, everyone was always together. I loved how there wasn’t an intergenerational divide and I learned so much sitting with the 80 yr olds as much as I did with the 6 yr olds. As Paola said, “No Familia, No Vita.” She explained that terrible things can happen in life, but if your family is there, you can get through it. And conversely, life is filled with so much beauty, and you also want your family there to experience that joy. Keep your family / chosen family tight and align yourself with those who match your values and energy.

4. There’s always room at the table: As busy as Paola was and regardless if she already had 15 people coming for dinner - there was always space for more. It wasn’t uncommon for Paola to invite guests last minute. She always had enough food and there was always an extra chair for someone to pull up a seat. This makes sense considered how I ended up being invited into her house in the first place (which if you remember was within 5 mins of meeting). And besides family, there were usually a few guests staying at one of her rentals she would invite. It’s a beautiful reminder that we’re social beings and often times, more joy and connection can come from having an open home and heart.

5. Simplicity: We are a culture who very much gets our happiness from buying things and “up-leveling” our experiences. But I learned I’ve actually never been happier than in those simple moments in Sicily when I ate a fresh fig straight from the tree or picked tomatoes at sunset. And this comes from someone who has been to Michelin star restaurants and Burning Man. Life can be simple - maybe we don’t have to reach so far or try so hard. (And yes, I acknowledge had the privilege of traveling to Sicily, however there is nothing stopping me from enjoying a fig in NYC - the point is, you really don’t have to go far).

6. I want to capture more stories like this: I came to cook, but what I really ended up doing was capturing stories. Every day, in 90 seconds, I told the story of this beautiful culture through the lens of this incredible Nonna. I have always loved how food is a vehicle for human connection, and through documenting Paola, I was able to showcase this to the world. Yes, I love to cook, but I wonder if more of my purpose is create these visual stories of other amazing humans who bring communities together through food. To perhaps inspire others to learn about other cultures, to get perspective in life, and see that food really is the spark for human connection.

7. I love myself: Ok this one is VERY corny but it has to be said. This was a trip where I really fell in love with myself. I love how I followed my joys to come here. I love I trusted myself to *go into* this experience. I love my ability to connect to a wide range of people (even if we couldn’t speak the same language). I love how I am so embodied, so authentically myself right now. It took a long time to get here.

About one year ago,

I was on the precipice of a daunting breakup. I discovered that my boyfriend of 7 years was having an affair with someone very very very close to us. To make matters worse, after I found out, he proceeded to try to manipulate me to be “in an open relationship” so he could be with her …and me. I was heartbroken and betrayed. I didn’t want this at all. I was 32 years old and I wanted a committed partner who wanted to start a family with me soon. I was crying myself to sleep every night and he would tell me things like “we did it your way (monogamy) for so many years and now it’s time to do it my way.” He even proposed to me to convince me to give him “his way.” It sounds so fucked up and obvious that I should have left right away, but if you’ve ever been in a manipulative relationship with someone you love, it’s so much more complicated that that. My world was crumbling and spiraling.

During this time, I remember listening to the rendition of “Postcards from Italy” by Florence and the Machine. I would play this song over and over and scream to the lyrics until my voice got hoarse. I was so drawn to it because she sounds so fucking free and wild in a country I have always loved. I was so trapped, so scared - and I didn’t know the way out - so even for just 3 mins and 31 seconds I would transport myself to Italy where I could be just as free and wild as she sounded.

And last week, on the flight back, this song randomly popped up on my Spotify shuffle. I broke down into tears while walking in the Munich airport to my connecting flight.

I realized that it was one year later and I fucking DID IT. I WENT to Italy. I AM free and wild. And all the while, sending these little video “postcards” from Italy. (And if it wasn’t obvious, I broke up with this loser 2 months after the discovery and I’ve never looked back 😊)

By the way - I tell you this story not to dwell on a negative experience (nor give any of those people involved any power) but to show you the basecamp of where I was one year ago, the mountain I climbed to get to where I am today, and how much this trip really meant to me. I think it’s easy for us to look at social media and make assumptions how “perfect” someone’s life is. And that shit was hard.

So much has changed in one year.

I trusted myself, believed I was worthy of more, and then committed to a life of following my joys and going after what I believe in. It wasn’t an easy journey (trust me), but it brought me here. And who knows what the next year will bring me. As Paola taught me, I can’t hold on to life too tightly, I can only trust myself to lead me where I’m meant to go and then hop on this wild rollercoaster of life. And what a fucking ride it is.

When I landed back in NYC, I didn’t have the post-vacation blues nor did I curse that I had to come home. My cup felt full. And, as amazing of a time I had, I was skipping back to NYC. Because also within this year, I worked hard to create a life I wanted to return to. I have new love in my life, friends and family who ride for me, and new cooking styles I couldn’t wait to try in my Brooklyn kitchen. I have no idea what’s next. But as this trip reaffirmed in me, I can trust myself to take me where I’m meant to go. It’s okay to keep the recipe open-ended and be ready to throw in whatever is fresh at the last minute 😉

So, y’all. Thank you for tuning into my Postcards from Italy.

It was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I am so so so grateful to Paola and her family for welcoming me with open arms. I am so honored that people tuned in to the videos.

This isn’t the end of my visual storytelling - so if you haven’t yet, follow me on Instagram and TikTok. I’ll be sharing more experiences in Sicily and I also hope to expand this series to showcase other amazing humans!

This also isn’t the end of me and Paola! Luckily she lives in New York for half the year so there are many more adventures to come.

{Want do stay at one of Paola’s rental properties next summer? Check out here!}

And, while I said that Paola doesn’t use recipes. I was able to scribble down some so I can share with you 🙏

Stay tuned for more recipes and stories.

Baci (kisses),

Tessa